View from the Seesaw
The latest prediction from the remarkable Professor Seersucker.
Scroll down for previous predictions
Previous Predictions:
- A prestigious Ivy League university will be rocked by scandal with the revelation that it allowed its most successful and world famous three-letter man, now playing professional football, to graduate without learning the other 23.
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Many people around the world will abandon their New Year's resolutions when a renowned scientist reveals that no people are overweight and provides conclusive evidence that some people are just more allergic to gravity than others.
- On New Year's Day, in Pasadena, California, the Tournament of Roses Parade will be stung by scandal when it is brought to a screeching halt by the Pasadena Police Department. Based on an anonymous tip, police officers will swarm down on the parade to search for loaded pistils.
- Archeologists will discover Noah's Ark just in time to videotape a new species of snail as they disembark.
- A competition among hundreds of Elvis Presley impersonators will be held at a major hotel and casino in Las Vegas. The judging will be done by the audience, which will be composed entirely of thousands of hysterical female impersonators.
- In the United States, a period of great civil unrest will begin. People who are civil, who were brought up to take pride in civil behavior (by mothers who instilled guilt in a civil manner if they didn't), will rise up politely en masse to put the word civil back in civilization. To be successful, however, they will have no choice but to wage another Civil War.
- Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) will suffer great internal disruption in their organization when they learn that many Mothers Are Drunk Drivers (MADD). Later the group will decide to go to the root of the drinking problem. Some of its members will be sent to France and Italy to stomp the hell out of those nasty grapes.
- According to Professor Seersucker, scientists will discover that all laboratory rats die of cancer, no matter what.
- Makers of the stealth bomber will receive wide acclaim when they reveal that they are now busy at work developing bombs that are whisper quiet so they won't wake anyone up.
- Senator John Glenn's second journey into orbit a number of years ago will have longer lasting effects than he might have thought at the time. Everywhere around the world, people will never forget how easy it is to send politicians into outer space ... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, blastoff!
- Earth will be threatened by war with space aliens when a spaceship from another planet, while peacefully cruising the Milky Way, is damaged severely by a baseball David Kingman hit out of a ballpark in the 1970s.
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